The Pinchest Man In The World : The Discovery of America

Rough draft made by our staff of writing monkeys:


<...Hemos guardado un silencio bastante 
 parecido a la estupidez...>
 (Proclama insurreccional de la Junta Tuitiva en la ciudad de La Paz, 16 de julio de 1809) 

The Pinchest Man In The World (next Podcast)

(Music Intro and presentation...)

The Pinchest Man In The World : The day of the rape (sic, race) 

Amigos es el 12th of October, el mal llamado "día de la raza", day of the race... 

"Wait, what race, I think is a typo por rape" 

P Mex

(Say HOLA to my hypothetical listener and you all)


Basta. Stop it already! They discovered nothing, just to be wrong and pretty soon started the slaughter. 'The open veins of Latin America', an early complice wink to a book by Eduardo Galeano that reunites facts and refreshes the memory of our conquer of inhumanity and the discovery of the beginnings of our current lack of empathy, racism and global dominion elite shit. The greatest adventure in world's latrociny. Probably it made our world go round, globality as a concept. After that day the worlds was ours, and by ours I mean yours. 


Cristophuerus Kristofferson, as I will call him, to make better bonding with my new audience. Well Colombus, not the detective, was stranded and freightened of dying without reaching any land... The Indians found Colombus lost in the sea. If you just discover this, you probably thought you discover America, freedom or justice... None of this hhad been discovered yet for occidental dominionship... 

One sale in Sears because of Columbus day, Columbus sale.  "I guess this means that I can go inside and rape or take whatever I want".

Shit! I'm Mexican, probably not very objective in this matter... But remember i reside in Spain (actually in Spain but not in Spain, as I'm based in Barcelona and I'm a Catalan aware kind of pinche guey). Well, even Mexicans, yes, we were forced to call "Madre Patria" to Spain. As if the loothing, raping, latrociny and slaughter were something that created our way of being, eating, living and being Mexican in on our twisted kinf of way... 


I want to tell the story when a radio prank was played on me. They wanted me to get the notification of eviction from Spain. A rough prank. Luckily enough I knew they were from the radio and I answered with brightness and intelligence for the first time in my life (this podcast started back then)... I said that my mission was to revert the ruins they left in Mexico by coming here and leaving this place completely in ruins... One more time I learnt no to play with words in a wishful way, as I almost achieved this goal... Spain is almost in ruins now... But I have stopped my attack towards this Spaniards that I know so well... 

As the people in my country hates me as my tone is more close to a Spaniard than a Mexican, being Mexican is a way of not being... Something mystical and I'm not the first Mexican that talks funny in a "gachupín" kind of way".

Same thing they did when they tried to learn their manners and traditions just to fuck them in the ass and rape their women, sadly literally, among many other terrible things that my writer monkeys are investigating or sobering up in order of remembering something worth on podcasting. 

When conquered, the defeated is always close to a sort of terrible punishment. People forget is double the punish. Always the defeated has a reason for this. Allies fail, traitors rise, manipulation gets to the mass... They played their cards and the most interesting thing of the Discovery and the Conquer is how really outnumbered they were and how little the natives knew about religion, war and treaties in the occidental way.

The mines of Potosí were truly a gift from nature. After being exploited is funny to see how Spaniards couldn't hold to their richness and, au contraire, the Pays Bas took over economy with the New World. And so the fall of Spain begun, being a disastrous very passionated one. Just as they are.

History is a prophet with his back turned on reality. As if his mission is to save us from our future only by our past.

This is why is a nice thing to see how identity is one of the hardest debates to find conclusions. This day Spain commemorates its army. And the Casa Real tweets shit like "Always by helping, never by imposing". Which is highly laughable to a Mexican. In Spain is the day of hispanity. In México is the "day of the race" (a typo for day of the rape). In NY the Latin community takes the streets... The only good lecture I see is that somehow we celebrate that we are united (despite our lack of willingness, now talking in representation of the prehispanic world). A more just and fascinating world that the one this paradigm of conquer and expansion is leading us.

Lets say that the moon was lucky to not have any resources, women or metals of our interest. So... What next... Your pockets, your communication, your brains... 

The came by the East, as their goods went and promised to return. They carried horses, originally from America, but extinguishi¡ed, brought back by Arabs in Europe. Podwer, horses, dogs, diseases, sdt's, swords, wheels. They had all the surprise factor to their favor. As the natives though they were magical creatures and fell dismayed, tried to kill Alvarado by slaying a horse's neck, and so they learn the cruelty of the invaders. Even Cristophorus Kristofferson started the first raid against the natives to Dominica and took slaves, and the Church came in, and the Inquisition was Isabel's higher goal, as to reconquer Granada, expel Muslims and Jews, avoid the middleman in every kind of commerce and looth the most of it to avoid losing a Kingdom that was broke with all this open fronts.

Cristophor was pretty sure he was somewhere in Asia, we was following Marco Polo's annotations and looking for species, metals and completely dazzled by the colors presented by the Caribbean Sea. He died being mistaken. Americo Vespucio little knew as well. I will talk about all... Cortés, Magallanes, Pizarro, Alvarado.

Bearded gods as Huiracocha or Quetzalcoatl...

How Tenochtitlan was twice as populated as Madrid back then.

Half of the native population probably died because of disease, important detail, now that the third word is doing the opposite and we live in complete uncertainty and hysteria about one virus hard to get as Ebola, while here, in Catalonia, ten people have died of legionella.

I want to talk about native dignity and how they prefered to kill their children and commit suicide.

I will talk about the treasonery of the Tlaxcaltecas and the precious collaboration of a singular native that spoke fluent Spanish, La Malinche. From here you will know what is "malinchismo" for Mexicans today.

El cacique de Tecum (maya descabezador de caballos)

Los tlaxcaltecas fueron aliados de Cortés, y
Pizarro usó en su provecho la guerra entre los herederos del imperio incaico,
Huáscar y Atahualpa, los hermanos enemigos. Los conquistadores ganaron
cómplices entre las castas dominantes intermedias, sacerdotes, funcionarios,
militares, una vez abatidas, por el crimen, las jefaturas indígenas más altas.

Las bacterias...

Los cañones...

El fuego...


Hernán Cortés desembarcó en Veracruz acompañado por no más de cien
marineros y 508 soldados; traía 16 caballos, 32 ballestas, diez cañones de bronce y
algunos arcabuces, mosquetes y pistolones. Y sin embargo, la capital de los aztecas,
Tenochtitlán, era por entonces cinco veces mayor que Madrid y duplicaba la
población de Sevilla, la mayor de las ciudades españolas. Francisco Pizarro entró
en Cajamarca con 180 soldados y 37 caballos.

América aparecía como una invención más,
incorporada junto con la pólvora, la imprenta, el papel y la brújula al bullente
nacimiento de la Edad Moderna. El desnivel de desarrollo de ambos mundos
explica en gran medida la relativa facilidad con que sucumbieron las civilizaciones
nativas.


La primera derrota fue el asombro...



 Y sin embargo, la capital de los aztecas,
Tenochtitlán, era por entonces cinco veces mayor que Madrid y duplicaba la
población de Sevilla, la mayor de las ciudades españolas. Francisco Pizarro entró
en Cajamarca con 180 soldados y 37 caballos.



 El Tratado de Tordesillas, suscrito en 1494, permitió a Portugal ocupar territorios
americanos más allá de la línea divisoria trazada por el Papa, y en 1530 Martím
Alfonso de Sousa fundó las primeras poblaciones portuguesas en Brasil,
expulsando a los franceses. Ya para entonces los españoles, atravesando selvas
infernales y desiertos infinitos, habían avanzado mucho en el proceso de la
exploración y la conquista. En 1513, el Pacífico resplandecía ante los ojos de Vasco
Núñez de Balboa; en el otoño de 1522, retornaban a España los sobrevivientes de la
expedición de Hernando de Magallanes que habían unido por vez primera ambos
océanos y habían verificado que el mundo era redondo al darle la vuelta completa;
tres años antes habían partido de la isla de Cuba, en dirección a México, las diez
naves de Hernán Cortés, y en 1523 Pedro de Alvarado se lanzó a la conquista de
Centroamérica; Francisco Pizarro entró triunfante en el Cuzco, en 1533,
apoderándose del corazón del imperio de los incas; en 1540, Pedro de Valdivia
atravesaba el desierto de Atacama y fundaba Santiago de Chile. Los conquistadores
penetraban el Chaco y revelaban el Nuevo Mundo desde el Perú hasta las bocas del
río más caudaloso del planeta.


Finalmente, la población de las islas del Caribe dejó de pagar tributos, porque
desapareció: los indígenas fueron completamente exterminados en los lavaderos de
oro, en la terrible tarea de revolver las arenas auríferas con el cuerpo a medias
sumergido en el agua, o roturando los campos hasta más allá de la extenuación, con 15
la espalda doblada sobre los pesados instrumentos de labranza traídos desde
España.

Una sola bolsa de pimienta valía, en el medioevo, más que la vida de un
hombre, pero el oro y la plata eran las llaves que el Renacimiento empleaba para
abrir las puertas del paraíso en el cielo y las puertas del mercantilismo capitalista
en la tierra


Mientras tanto Colón cree que va por el mar de China.





The poverty of the people as a result of the richness of the land.

Mi venganza de Moctezuma

El chiste más idiota mexicano "Mequemáis los pies"

Francisco Pizarro entró
en Cajamarca con 180 soldados y 37 caballos.

<...Hemos guardado un silencio bastante
 parecido a la estupidez...>
 (Proclama insurreccional de la Junta Tuitiva en la ciudad de La Paz, 16 de julio de 1809)


"Development is a trip with more casted away than sailors"

The tale of such a trip to how in modernity we arrived to structure unfairness and perfectionate despojo.




(To be always continued)

End
Outro
Mutis

                                (Ahorita...)
Los creadores del potcast pedimos diferenciemos las opiniones del "hombre más pinche del mundo" de las de que suscribe este post; además pedimos no etiquetar los pinches contenidos vertidos por P Mex con la palabra:

Ultracrepidiano: bastardo opinionado. Alguien con opinión para todo.
Ultracrepidarian: opinionated bastard.
Please, don't ever call me either...

El resto de palabras son bienvenidas,

Mensaje de su bajeza terrenísima,
Pinche Mex.
(periodista, prostituta, artista y metaficción)